i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
