The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
