i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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