i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He better not be in your backpack
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
