they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
