Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
