dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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