how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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