I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
