What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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