I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
