What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
