omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
When are your genitals available?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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