I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
