at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize