So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
