we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
