no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
