I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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