I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I need help removing her.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
