Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
home. puking in laundry basket.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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