I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
