When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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