I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My day in three words: secret purse cake
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
