I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
