Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
