You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
