Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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