I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
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