the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
