conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
dude. I can hear the air.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
