my mouth tastes like poor choices
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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