i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
