just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
