Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
