i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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