I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
