i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
