I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
