So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
