I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Still dying that you shit outside
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
