Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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