help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
