well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize