i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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