Your tits are I can't wait for
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
