my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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