doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
