so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
