M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
