they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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