turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
