Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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