I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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