you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
