He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize