Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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