I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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