We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
