Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize